


To Find the Light

by sakuranomi808



Category: Walker (TV 2021)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:22:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29790507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuranomi808/pseuds/sakuranomi808
Summary: Pre-series fic: My headcanon around Liam coming out to his brother when Cordell comes back home from his deployment overseas. Liam is 15 and Cordell is 22. To be clear, I do not ship these two at all; this is about completely platonic and brotherly love only <3
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	To Find the Light

**Author's Note:**

> Hugs, love, and tequila to shescomeundone for the quick beta and encouragement :)

The evening is clear and cool when Liam steps out onto the back porch. 

He wanted so desperately to be out here a minute ago, but now that he is, he’s still feeling uncomfortable in his own skin, anxious and wishing he was anywhere but here. He casts a glance over his shoulder at the dozens of people enjoying themselves at the party, then continues down the path to where a makeshift fire pit lies near the edge of the yard. 

Liam breathes a sigh of relief as the cheerful din of voices and laughter gradually fades away. Although he's still feeling a little unsettled, being out here is still a million times better than having to pretend to be happy for all the family and friends who came out of the woodworks to welcome his brother home. He pulls a chair close to the edge of the circular stack of rocks and sinks down into it, silently cursing himself for lacking the foresight to grab matches or a lighter before escaping the house. 

A bit of movement catches his attention and his eyes dart up to where Cordell is halfway out the screen door, still mid-conversation with someone inside. Liam watches silently as his brother finally steps out onto the porch and shuts the door behind him, then strides down the steps. He nods in acknowledgment as Cordell pulls up a chair next to him, but neither brother speaks, even when Cordell reaches into his back pocket and tosses him a lighter. Cordell would never actually carry a lighter with him under normal circumstances; Liam smiles faintly as he wonders just how long his brother had eyes on him before following him outside. 

Liam busies himself with lighting the fire for a few moments and once he finally gets a decent flame going, lifts his gaze to meet his brother’s. He isn’t surprised to find Cordell quietly watching him.

“Sorry we haven’t really had a chance to talk,” Cordell says. “Since I’ve been back, I mean.” 

It’s been nearly two years since Liam has seen him -- four since Cordell first got deployed to Afghanistan -- and it’s startling how much he’s changed. He’s physically bigger of course, but there’s also a sense of strength and maturity about him that wasn’t there before. It makes Liam feel smaller, even less significant than ever compared to his larger-than-life big brother. 

Liam shrugs and forces a smile, even though he’s far from happy. “It’s alright. I know everyone’s real excited you’re home.” He turns his attention to the fire crackling in front of them and watches the flames twist and sway for a few moments in the gentle night breeze. 

“How ya been?” Cordell presses on. “How’s school?” 

“Okay,” Liam replies. He lowers his eyes and picks at a loose string under the edge of his hoodie. Cordell has always been weirdly in tune with what Liam is thinking, but maybe he’s lost that uncanny ability after being away for so long. Liam can only hope.

“I heard you’re going to prom,” Cordell remarks. “Look at you, Mr. Popular.” 

Liam scoffs and rolls his eyes, finally turning his gaze back to meet Cordell’s. “I didn’t think I’d have to worry about that for another year.” 

Cordell’s forehead creases in concern -- or maybe confusion -- for a second, but he doesn’t say anything for a few long moments. A sudden gust of wind rustles through the trees above, sending sparks from the fire up into the chilly night air. 

Liam sighs deeply as he leans back in his chair and scrubs his hands over his face. “I’m not okay,” he softly confesses, so quietly that he’s not sure if his brother heard him until he feels Cordell’s hand on his arm. 

“Hey,” Cordell begins hesitantly. “What’s goin’ on, kiddo?” 

“I’m not… okay,” Liam repeats, casting a quick sideward glance at his brother. “I hate it here. I can’t… I just can’t,” he concludes sullenly. 

“Where’s this coming from, all of a sudden?” 

Liam lowers his eyes and shakes his head, tears burning behind his eyelids before he can think to stop them. He hates himself for it: for being so weak, for being such a huge disappointment, for not being strong enough to shut down this part of him he damn well knows is wrong.

“I need to tell you something, Cordi,” Liam practically whispers. “But you can’t- you have to swear you won’t say anything to anyone else,” he hurriedly adds, knowing that if he doesn’t say something soon, he’ll talk himself out of it entirely. 

Cordell nods. “Of course.”

The tears won’t stop now that they’ve started – just keep right on streaming down Liam’s face in jagged tracks, salty against his lips when he opens his mouth to choke down a gulp of air. He gasps, startled at the sensation of his brother’s strong arms circling around him, holding him steady where he's begun to tremble. 

He can barely breathe anymore, has to focus hard on forcing air in and out of his lungs – just one breath after another – until it slowly dawns on him that Cordell’s palm is pressed firmly against his heart. It’s strong and steady and oddly soothing, comforting like nothing else the world has ever offered him. 

“Listen to me,” Cordell says, his voice muffled against Liam’s hair. “You’re my brother and I love you. Nothing you say, or do, will ever change that. You understand?” 

Liam nods and exhales shakily, ragged breaths finally beginning to even out. His eyes slide shut as he buries his face against Cordell’s shoulder and lets his brother soothe him, just like when he’d have a bad dream and come running into Cordell’s room -- always Cordell’s, never Momma and Daddy’s. 

After a few more moments, Liam extracts himself from his brother’s protective embrace and instead leans toward the warmth of the fire, resting his elbows on his knees. 

“I was just thinking about what you said to me. You know, when I was little… when you found out I was afraid of the dark.” Liam smiles sadly, sniffling as he swipes the back of his sleeve across his nose. “You remember?” 

“It’s never as dark as you think it is,” Cordell says quietly. “You just gotta give your eyes time to adjust... to be able to find the light.”

“I’m gay,” Liam blurts out. “I’ve known for a while now, Cordell. And I- I thought maybe it was just a phase or whatever. That I’d grow out of it. But this… this darkness inside me, it’s just not… It’s not going away.” 

Liam wraps his arms around himself when he realizes just how much he’s shaking. It’s the first time he’s ever said the words out loud, and it’s both liberating and terrifying. His eyes dart up to track his brother’s movements as Cordell shifts over to sit in front of him on the low stone ledge surrounding the fire. 

Cordell’s got a completely unreadable look on his face now, and it makes Liam uneasy. His brother has always been the one person he could trust and confide in more than anyone, but maybe this is it -- the one thing that’ll break what Liam thought was an iron-strong bond between them. 

“Liam,” Cordell begins carefully. “You- you’re the best person I’ve ever known. You somehow always know the right thing to do, and- you’ve always been Momma and Daddy’s favorite,” he teases, smiling faintly. “There’s no darkness here,” he shakes his head, reaching out to pat Liam’s chest. “Not in my little brother.” 

“But… Father Victor,” Liam frowns. “In last week’s sermon, he said that-” 

“Well, no offense meant,” Cordell cuts in. “But I can guarantee you Father Vic doesn’t know jack shit about what you’re going through.”

Liam laughs out loud at that and rolls his eyes. “Language, Cordell,” he says, raising the timbre of his voice to mimic their mother’s. 

Cordell chuckles and then inhales deeply like maybe he’s about to say something, but remains silent as he meets Liam’s eyes again, giving him a reassuring smile. 

“I won’t say anything,” Cordell says after a moment, “Not until you’re ready. But you have to promise me you’ll stop thinking about yourself that way- like you’re bad, like there’s something wrong with you. There isn't.” 

Liam nods and wipes the last remnants of his tears away with the back of his hand. “Thanks, Cordi,” he says quietly, with a sense of relief washing over him, settling in his bones. There’s so much more that needs to be said, but instead Liam just says, “Y’know, I really missed you.” 

“Same here,” Cordell replies. He reaches out to clasp one of Liam’s hands between his own, and gives it a gentle squeeze before shifting over to return to his chair. 

They sit side by side in comfortable silence for so long that the fire begins to slowly burn out. 

Liam is still frightened by a lot of things -- of what his parents will think, of what the other kids at school will say when they find out -- but finally telling his brother his secret and knowing that he has Cordell’s support is immensely comforting. As he and Cordell watch quietly, the last of the fire burns out, soft wisps of smoke curling up from the dwindling flames, tossing embers like tiny fireflies that swirl and disappear into the peaceful blanket of night surrounding them.


End file.
